A loyal but ignorant football fan asks a few questions

Still, one certainly can enjoy the game without knowing all the fine details

Teams prepare for the snap in a U.S. Navy game. Photo by Chief Photographers Mate Johnny Bivera via Wikimedia Commons

I bet there are not many people who will watch a very high-caliber football game for three hours and not know a single thing (well, almost) about the rules. I am one of those people. (And let me set this straight right away: This article will NOT be a paean to Tom Brady. I will save those thoughts for myself.)

I am a devout fan of the world-famous, world-class, super human New England Patriots and even though I understand very little about how the game is played, I can still read the score and process some of the information the announcers spout. I am pretty sure I can identify a touchdown when it happens, but I have no idea what, or where, the red zone is. I know when a touchdown has occurred because the player who scored is either jumping up and down, giving fist bumps in the air or hugging his teammates in ecstasy. Plus, there is that humongous neon sign that lights up and tells me it is a … TOUCHDOWN!!

On the other hand, I have a few questions about some of the various terms used throughout the game. Where is the player when he is in the pocket? How big is that pocket? My pockets are only big enough to hold a credit card or a few coins.

And what is a sack? Does anybody get hurt? I have a sack I carry around every day, and when it becomes too heavy on my shoulder, I feel a searing pain and have to take it off and rest my shoulder for a while.

What is a snap? Is it when a player or coach makes a quick decision? I have made many snap decisions, and some are much better than others.

Punting sounds like a nice word, reminiscent of boating along the English countryside, enjoying the bucolic beauty of the landscape sliding past. Even the punter enjoys himself.

When I hear “first down,” I cannot begin to describe my ignorance about what that is. Plus, the teams go on and have even more downs, just to confuse me further.

Last, but totally not least, is a term I heard for the first time last week: flea flicker. Can I buy one of those at Home Depot? I bet you cannot say “flea flicker” five times in a row.

Here is to a wonderful and enjoyable Super Bowl LII. I will be watching TV all day and night on Feb. 4. At least I will understand the commercials. And, maybe, even the Puppy Bowl.